Driving Through the Past

Have you ever passed a building or an old neighborhood that, with just one look, brings back a thousand tiny emotions? Emotions that haven't hit you in awhile? Just driving by one of these places dredges up memories long forgotten. And you don't need to stop or pullover, it just hits you all at once like a ton of bricks and changes everything you were doing before.

Yeah.

Kind of happened to me Saturday night.

I was driving home from my sister's new apartment in Manayunk. She moved out about a month ago and was having all her friends over for an "apartment-warming" and drink-fest. Normally, I am all about these get-togethers, but I'm doing a cleanse this week and can't drink any alcohol and my sister's friends.....well, I don't really like them. Needless to say, I left early and was feeling a bit sad. I just hate going home alone and walking in to a quiet house. Made me feel even more lonely than I had at my sisters apartment. I was also Mario Kart-ing it the whole way home, trying to avoid massive pot holes that are currently plaguing the Philadelphia area. It's pretty stressful actually to drive like that, praying the whole time you get home alive and with all 4 tires intact. And driving down Roosevelt Blvd at 11:30 at night is basically asking for a blow out.

My nerves couldn't take anymore, so once I got into Mayfair I decided to turn off the Blvd and onto Holme Ave. I figured the streets wouldn't be a perilous and the drive would be a tad more scenic. When I pulled onto the street, I realized I hadn't been that way in quite a while. There was construction for almost a year on an old bridge about a quarter mile down and the entire area was detoured off to a side street. I remembered not knowing about the construction when I needed to get to the cleaners on Holme Ave, and having to drive 15 minutes out of my way to get my final destination. So pissed in fact that I completely avoided this area for over a year. But driving on it then made it feel all shiny and new--like a street I had never driven down before. The dark made it feel ominous and magical, and it was almost completely deserted. Still afraid of pot holes, I drove pretty slow and tried to take in the scenery. Ahead of me was a traffic light, so I slowed to a stop and waiting for the green. I turned my head to the side to stifle a yawn, and when I opened them I saw the street sign to my right that was glowing from the street lamp.

And I realized I was in front of Jay's neighborhood.

It took me back instantly.

To that summer before senior year of college when Kyle invited me to Jay's birthday party. Jay and I went to college together and I actually knew his girlfriend pretty well, so I knew a lot of people there. But Kyle invited me. Kyle, the guy who worked with my best friend in high school. Kyle, who I reconnected with in college when he went to DeSales for a year. Kyle, the guy who I secretly had a crush on, but couldn't say anything because so did my best friend. We had started talking again that summer and he invited me to hang out. It was all kinds of awkward but I went anyway. I talked myself out of leaving every ten minutes, especially when I saw Kyle talking to another group of girls. But I stayed and eventually the night turned. We sat and laughed for hours and talked about the basement house party where we met--the night he handed me my first underage beer and I got drunk off of one. It was strangely normal and comfortable, and time slipped by. The sun actually started to rise and I looked at my watch, seeing it was 5:30 am. I knew I had to leave, so he walked me to my car.

And pulled me in for a kiss.

Everything changed in that moment.

It was what I wanted for years, and it fulfilled every expectation.

It was the start of a whirlwind summer that ended far too soon, and with far too many questions lingering. That, to this day I still don't have the answer to.

And never will, because Kyle was killed in a car accident 3 years ago.

It's hard for me to think about him without getting emotional. There was so much there and so much potential for us. Deep down, I truly believed I would end up with him. Soul mates, whatever you want to label it, it was just intense. And distance is what ended things--I was going back to school and he was staying in Philly. But now he's gone and I'll never know if he felt the same way.

And I guess that's what hurts the most.

The not knowing.

The light turned green again, and I drove the rest of the way home. Tears streaming down my face, and a re-opened hole in my heart.

Spring-aling

If you are living on the East Coast, I'm fairly certain you know how I'm feeling at the moment. Cold, rundown, and overtly angry at Mother Nature for dumping the Winter of 2014 on us. Mother Nature you are a real bitch! I quite literally haven't worked a full week since December, am now obsessed with checking weather reports, and am going stir crazy from being inactive. I am BEYOND sick of winter and all its snow and crappy weather.

Now it seems we are due for a Nor'easter on Thursday (2/13), which reportedly will dump over a foot of snow in the Philadelphia area?

Really? Really? Seriously, just go away snow!!

I'm not going to go on and on with this, as it'll be a very boring post. But I thought I'd make a pleasant little list of all the things I am looking forward to once Spring graces us with her presence. Maybe this will help me feel better and make the snow freeze a little faster? Probably not, but here we go.

1. Driving with my windows open
          This may seem simple, but there is nothing better than a long drive with the windows down and the wind blowing through your hair. And Spring air is simply the best.

2. No coats
          Girls will understand this. It is a freaking BITCH to coordinate cute outfits with appropriate outer attire. The cutest outfits just don't look good with a big, burly but warm coat. Plus, logging that shit around after you take it off is an even bigger bitch.

3. No more Pot Holes
         This year has been significantly worse with pot holes, especially near my work. I literally have to drive pressed up against the wheel, full alert and looking for them. Because we all know that just one, huge pot hole will destroy your tires. And that's all I need right now.

4. Flowers all abloom
         Spring is undeniably my favorite season just for the foliage. I live and die for watching landscapes open up with colors and pretty fragrances. I can't wait to have a beautiful arrangement of fresh picked flowers in my room--which I know I can do now, with flowers from the grocery store, but it just isn't the same.

5. Outdoor activities
          Probably the worst part about winter is being home bound for the majority of it. At times in the last 2 months it has literally been hazardous to leave your house and drive anywhere. Spring is all about the thaw out and the first thing I like to do is go on adventures to new places. Walk around in downtown Philly, take long drives to places you've never been, try new things. Literally cannot wait to travel and experience new things.

6. Baseball
        Baseball is my favorite sport to watch and even though the Phightin' Phils aren't the best, I can't wait to see my red and white boys take the field. And there's nothing better than watching a game from Citizen's Bank Field.

7. Back porch beers
       My dad needs very little excuse to "open up the backyard for the season." As soon as it is warm enough to do so, he sets up the lawn chairs, installs the twinkling lights that border our fence, and pops open our bar umbrella. Beers on our back patio are a constant fixture on Friday nights. And I am very much looking forward to it.

8. Longer Sunlit Days
       Driving home in semi-darkness is never fun. So I can't wait for Daylight Savings Time to start. It usually means the coming of warmer weather and eventually, summer days.

9. Spring Rains
      I know it sounds funny, especially with all the weather we are having that involves precipitation, but I love Spring Rains. The smell of it. The feel of it. I love going for runs right before a cloud burst, just on the off chance that I may get caught in a downpour. Nothing better.

10. Dresses
     My closest is bursting with cute spring dresses. I literally have no more room, but I recently bought 3 more just anticipating the warmer weather. I love the feeling of a dress, and there is nothing more feminine. It's also the easiest thing to wear, especially to work. I keep hoping the weather will get slightly warmer so I can wear at least one sometime soon. But I guess I'll have to wait...


This list is already making me feel slightly better.

But at the same time, it is making me more pissed at the coming forecast. I seriously, seriously HOPE this is the last of the winter blast for 2014. I can't handle another snow day of boredom. I WANT SUNSHINE AND WARMTH!