My Rant on "Little Boys" Pretending to be "Grown Men" and bits of Advice for the Dating Gal

I've been back in the "dating game"--also known as unsanctioned, emotional torture on the woman psyche-- for a little over a year now. I'm what you would call a serial monogamous, as I've never truly been single for more than a few weeks since the age of 16. I tended to jump from one relationship to the next, finding solace, comfort and protection better in a relationship than being single. I'll be honest, it's not the best of ideas. It makes a person anxious to just find someone, really anyone to fill the role that the last guy left. It doesn't allow a girl to find something in another that they truly want and need, or realize their own misgivings and grow from it.

It truly resembles a game of leap frog.

Don't be fooled by their happiness in jumping. Dating, in any form, sucks major balls.

Where you leap from one relationship to the next, with no thought of what you left behind or any inner monologue about what you truly want. It's just a mindless form of entertainment. Just jumping over one guy after another.

But eventually, the frogs run out and the fun--if ever there was any--has to end. And you're left standing alone, having to pick up what's leftover--which is usually the remnants of your self esteem.

 I am completely 100% guilty of this and should be punished accordingly. This tendency of mine has driven my friends nuts over the years, because they'd rather see me happy on my own than only happy with a guy on my arm. It is really just crazy to jump right into another relationship when you're heart is still  with someone else--not matter if you're the dumper or the dumpee, pain is always behind ending a relationship.

So, for the last year I've been single. I've been on countless dates, kissed a lot of frogs, and broken a few hearts along the way. I'm actually pretty proud of the fact that I have been single for as long as I have, simply because I have finally realized what I want out of a guy and a relationship. I could've been in at least 5 relationships at this point, but have chosen not to. Why you may ask? Well, each circumstance had it's own reasoning but here are a few highlights;

1. Too young/ old

       My general rule is if he's more than 2 years younger, it'll never work. You are at very different points in your life. The same goes for older, but there's more of a year difference. Being 26, I try to keep my men (hahaha) within the 26 to 30 age gap. Anything over just seems silly to me.

2. Life goals and interests

       I went on a few dates with a guy who basically wanted to marry me after the second date. Sorry, I am nowhere near ready for that kind of commitment especially after only 2 dates. I still want to have fun. But on that same note, fun is fun but definitely not a way of life. If you only work seasonally because you want time to go to bars and "party it up on weekends," sorry, not interested. And if you wreak like alcohol every time we hang out, please see yourself to the door.
3. Personal hygiene
      This is pretty self-explanatory. If you don't take care of yourself why should I give a damn?

4. Bad kisser

      I was once mauled by a guy who was convinced he was a good kisser. He basically scared the crap out of me with his tongue and left me pretty confused in its aftermath. He quite literally licked my lips, and thought it was sexy. It was not.

5. Not physically/mentally attracted

     There is only so much alcohol can do. And looks can only get you so far. That initial attraction is needed of course, but I've found that that starts to fade after a few dates. I went out with a guy 3 times, all the while trying to convince myself that I was attracted to him. He was dumb as bricks and didn't do much to hide it.

Now I know you must be thinking I'm a man-eater, that I go through men rather quickly and am always looking for my next prey.

I think this is what most men picture?

 In some instances, yes I would consider myself a man-eater of sorts--I get bored really fast and get turned off pretty easily. It actually astounds me how quickly my feelings can change towards an individual--I could start a date off planning our wedding, then be counting down the minutes til I can run for the door. Sometimes it happens as quick as the time between ordering drinks and receiving them. But on the other hand, when I meet someone I like, I fall hard and fast.

Which is what leads me to my next rant about the opposite sex. And I truly do not mean to offend any "men" reading this--unless you are involved in the particular circumstance I am alluding to, and in that case you basically brought this on yourself.

For the majority of the summer, my dating time has been focused on three individuals. No they were not simultaneous, but separate occurrences. I can never bring myself to date multiple people at once--my conscience would never allow it and honestly, I think I would lose track. These three individuals--who I obviously went on more than a few dates with and who I actually considered good boyfriend material--all had one thing in common. One trait that alludes most women when they start dating a new guy. A trait that dooms all relationships--no matter how long or short--and that which scared the very piss out of most.

Failure to Commit

 To me, it's the easiest thing possible. If we are hanging out as much as possible and basically acting like we are together already, what is the harm on putting a title to the situation? It's not making the situation any different than it already is--and the force of those words fuck with a guys head more than it does a girl, trust me on that. For a girl, all that title means is security. That she doesn't have to worry about you going around with someone else (well actually that's not true 9 times out of 10). Really it's all psychological. And guys need to get over it already.

Usually when the "talk" finally happens--being a conversation about where the relationship is going and what to consider each other--a guy can do one of three things;

             1. Give the girl the title (which she has rightly earned at this point)

     2. Run for the high hills

     3. Tell the girl that he likes things as they are and wants/expects to keep them as they are.

The third of which is probably the worst. Which is what happened to me in all three cases this summer. It's literally like pouring salt into a festering wound--the pain is the only thing that is keeping you from kicking the inflicter right in the balls.

The guy is basically telling you that you are not worthy of that title and you should never bring up this conversation again, but they want to continue to hook-up whenever it pleases him. Which in my case was unacceptable. I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut as it is and if you honestly think I'm just going to be a little, obedient play-thing for you to play with when you wish, well then you are seriously delusional and need to invest in an anatomically correct blowup doll.

From said  personal experiences, I have realized a lot about men. And from this I have, again drawn some conclusions which resulted in the following list I've made for my male counterparts;

1. "Men" who are just getting out of "long-term relationships" should be shipped to a deserted island and left there until they are emotionally ready to date.

      Any interactions with these "men" is just detrimental to a girls psyche. They shouldn't be allowed to flirt or even talk to a girl who is emotionally ready to date. He is just setting this girl up for rejection and heartbreak.
2. "No" means " NO!"
       When a girl says "NO," do not beg or pressure her to do what you want. Especially when it comes to physical interactions. And seriously, don't do it anyway. Because that's borderline rape.

3. "I'm not looking for anything serious right now," should be stricken from the record.

       This goes along with number 1. If you have the gall to say this to a girl, you need to stay locked up in your house and call one of those 1-800-HOT TEENS numbers.
4. Do not treat a girl like a GIRLFRIEND then be shocked that she considers you her BOYFRIEND or wants that title
       Do not take a girl out on dates, double-dates with your friends, cuddle, snuggle, or make future plans that involve just the two of you. No matter what you think, doing any of these is NOT NORMAL for friends. These situations are reserved for real relationships.

5. Do not use any sort of emoticons while texting

      Again this only confuses the other. Especially the winky one ;) It's very misleading.
6. Do not tell a girl, once you've used the #3 phrase, that "I don't want to lead you on or hurt you."
      Telling a girl you don't want to lead her on is a moot point if you have basically treated the girl like your girlfriend from day one. And let's be honest--if you truly didn't want to hurt her, you wouldn't have pursued anything to begin with. YOU are only concerned with yourself and not coming out of this situation looking like the bad guy.

7. No matter what we say, we ALWAYS lead with our hearts

      Hooking-up is never just hooking-up. There will always be an emotional connection in some form. So even if you feel nothing, know that the girl you are sucking face with probably likes you. Maybe you should take a note for our book....

So there you have it.
My words from the wise. My only hope for girls finding themselves in similar situations is that they will know to stay far away from guys who exhibit these tendencies. You'll be saving yourself a helluvalot of heartache.

For myself, I can proudly say my leap frogging days are SO OVER. I am hopeful that my Prince Charming is out there somewhere, looking for me with as much angst as I am looking for him.

But for now, I'll just continue to look.