I will be....26. Basically an old maid and 4 years away from being 30. GROSS! My friends have been busting my balls for weeks--I turn 26 a year before most of them and they never let me live it down. Usually they say I'm turning anywhere from 37 to 42. Yes, very nice of them. Due to this, I have asked my friends not to mention the number 26 in any form tomorrow or the rest of the week. I've decided I am turning 25 again this year. Yep, I refuse to admit that I'm a year older. Because really, once you enter an age of no significance (basically any age over 21), everyone lies about their age. Birthdays become just another day. They become the one day a year that reminds you how much the last year sucked and how much you haven't accomplished.
To me anyway.
Personally, I've always gone into my birthdays recalling the last year and making lofty goals for the next year--kind of like my "Birthday Resolution". Sort of like New Years, without the weight goals (unless that's my plan for the next year). I make these mental lists in my head of what I want to happen in the next year--whether it be financial, personal, or travel plans.
Now, the one good thing about this new Facebook timeline thing we were all forced to accept, is that it keeps pretty good tract of where and what you were doing the year before. I thought it'd be interesting to see what I posted this time last year, in regards to my birthday. So here it is:
"really had a roller coaster of a week...realized that i will never let a guy deem my self worth again, that curbs on Susquehanna will literally take a bite out your tire if you let them, Abington Police are not all assholes, that i have the best friends and family a girl could ask for, hangovers are NOT like they were in college, and dreams can come true when you least expect them. 25 is feeling like my lucky number"
Oh how bright-eyed and bushy tailed I was. I actually remember what happened that week to inspire this status. I had just been dumped, I had blown a tire on the way to dinner with my girlfriends and was assisted by two very generous Abington Police Officers, I was getting over a hangover from my birthday celebration the weekend before, and I had heard from two publishers interested in reading my manuscript. Yeah, it was a hell of a weird week.
And the last bit kind of made me believe I had gotten through the worst of it and 25 was going to be a great year for me.
In reality, my birthday came in like a roller coaster and kept going up and down those hills for the next year.
I had some major highs:
I finally got out of my awful old job and started on my new career as an editorial assistant.
My friendships were strengthened with most of my friends--I was able to hang out with them more and participate in activities. I also saw my Aunt Ann get through her third bout of cancer and my family is stronger than ever. Also, it was decided that my grandparents will be moving in with us this summer which I am anticipating more than anything.
Now for my lows. Sorry no pictures for these.
I've put up walls around myself for protection, which has stopped any form of a relationship.I had a major anxiety flare up and had to be put back on medication as a result (a total loss in my eyes). The book deal I was hoping for fell through, so it's back to the drawing board. I have been told numerous times that my story is too antiquated. So rejection, rejection, rejection. Kind of hopeless situation in the last year.
Womp. Womp.
I guess I try not to dwell on the bad, even if it is awful. When I look at the lows it really makes me think, "Wow my 25th year really sucked ass. How can 26 can any better?"
But then I have to remind myself that 25 really pushed me to become a different person. I've learned a lot of myself in this past year. I've learned that I have more strength than I know--I've been through a lot and I came out on the other end. That I need to turn to my family and friends more when I need help and I can't always do it on my own. For the first time in 10 years I have been single for an extended period of time, which has made me realize I don't need a guy. Of course, I'd like to be in a relationship but I'm also not gonna jump for just anyone anymore. Now, I am looking for my prince and next big guy in my life--I'm not willing to settle anymore. I know what I deserve and what I want. No more second-best.
My professional life has finally fallen into place but I don't want to stop there. I've been pushing my book for so long and I refuse to give up. I will always want more.
And honestly, the best little surprise I've received is this blog. Deciding to start writing on a consistent basis has made me appreciate and love it the more. I honestly could care less if no one ever reads this thing, it has just re-opened a form of creativity that I almost forgot. My blogging days are not over!
Now, as the final hours draw closer to my birthday, I am thinking again about my "Birthday Resolution." Although my past resolutions have usually made me feel worse about the last year, I kind of want to make another one just for posterity's sake.
I want to be happy.
In everything I do and everything I pursue. Even if I do not realize it right away, I want happiness and joy to make my life better. Being a happier and well-rounded person will make my life better.
So yeah, that's what I'll be thinking about tomorrow, as I'm blowing out my 26 candles on my vanilla birthday cake.
Or 25 (depending on who you ask ).
No comments:
Post a Comment