Sights and Sounds of a Gym-head

For a very long time, I have been avoiding, poo-pooing and overall dissing the following activity. I have even gone so far as saying I would never EVER participate in it, and make fun of people who paid to go to this place. It seemed absolutely absurd to me that people paid hundreds of dollars for something they could do for free in their own homes or neighborhoods. I promised myself I would never be one of those idiots.

Welp.

I am a sheep and I fell in line with most others my age.

I am officially a Gym-head*.

  * I'm pretty sure I just coined that term. So copyrights to me bitches!

I joined the trend of most post-New Years resolution people and joined a gym. Actually let me rephrase that--I was coerced and tricked into joining a gym.

My younger sister joined LAFitness last month, and was raving about a cardio-body sculpt class she took. She said the instructor literally kicked her ass but felt great afterwards. With her new membership, she was given day passes and wanted me to take one of these classes with her. Naturally, I was intrigued and decided to go. Little did I know that I wouldn't be able to leave the gym until I sat down and talked to someone about joining said gym--when I say I couldn't leave, I mean I couldn't leave; my driver's license was kidnapped the minute I stepped over the LAFitness threshold and wasn't returned to me until I sat down and talked to a Sales guy about my "gym options".  I went into this "meeting" thinking I'd let the guy talk but there was no way I was joining. He went thru his song and dance talking about my options and blah blah blah, and I guess I kind of zoned out because before I knew it I was handing over my debit card and signing my name on their liability clause.

I swear the endorphins made me do it!

It was only when I stepped outside and the cold night air hit me that I realized "Shit. I just spent $261.59 on a gym membership I didn't even want?"

Oh well. Can't go back on it now.

In the long run, I'm glad I did it. I need to get my fat ass moving again. It's been a long few months and I'm starting to feel squishy in all the wrong areas. Plus the summer is only so far away--and with that means bathing suit season. And at this moment I'd rather eat my own toes than lay on a beach in a bathing suit. For real. I currently feel like a beached whale.

So really the amount of money I was tricked into paying is as good of a persuasion as any to go kill myself in the gym every night. If I just shelled out all that money, you bet your ass I'm getting my money's worth. Meaning, I'm going as much as I possibly can. Every spare moment I've had lately, I've been going to the gym--except for a 2 week period when I had/was recovering from the flu. Mostly after work or on weekend mornings, I've been hauling my ass to the gym. And trust me it's not an easy haul---it's actually an inner struggle most nights. I literally sit at my desk at work every day debating with myself--like the little angel and devil sitting on my shoulders, saying "Yes go" then "You're too tired. Go home and rest!"

Literally, my decision changes hour to hour. And trust me, there's nothing I'd like more after a long day at work then come home, eat a great dinner and lay in bed all night watching TV. But doing that gets me nowhere and I very purposely go to the gym straight from work because I know if I step one foot in my door, there's no way I'm leaving.

I will say that I am pretty out of shape. I've been focusing mainly on cardio and running, thinking its the best way to tone and lose a few lbs--plus I'm doing a Junior Mud Run with my girlfriends in June, so I might as well start training now or else I will die--but I haven't actually run in quite a while. It's probably been a year since I ran full out and the first few workouts were killer. Almost thought I was going to fall off the treadmill a few times, which would have been quite embarassing! Learned the trick to it is if you start to get tired/out of breath push the PAUSE/STOP button. DO NOT try to quickly jump to the sides of the treadmill. Trust me, I almost ate it doing it. And the fall will be a helluva lot worse!

Pretty proud of myself though, I've gotten up to 2 miles and haven't died yet. Sure, I've had to stop for drink breaks and to catch my breath but 2 miles is still 2 miles.

Now being naturally nosey and a cynical person, I've taken notice of a few.....obscurities at the gym that I feel the need to address at this moment.

1. Girls who dress up for the gym

Now I understand if people are coming straight  from work to get their "gym on"--which I count myself as one of them--but to come to the gym all done up and pretty seems pretty senseless to me. Like full on make-up is the most ridiculous thing in my opinion, considering you come to the gym to sweat (at least I do). Honestly it's a waste of money. Maybe I'm one of the minority who does not wear make-up to work--I work with a bunch of men who basically look at me funny every time I try to look nice for work--but reapplying before the gym is just stupid. And trust me, these girls are not wearing makeup from that morning. I ran next to a woman last week who, when she wiped her face on her sweat towel midway thru her run, literally wiped away her face with the towel. Her foundation, bronzer, mascara and blush were all smeared into her white towel, leaving her face a hot mess. It was actually pretty gross if you ask me.

Now I guess the only argument for wanting to look nice at the gym is because it is a co-ed activity and some people actually meet people at the gym. Personally, I don't know how this is possible unless you are actively going to the gym to meet someone. Most people are so in the zone with their work-outs--like I am, when I'm not people watching--that they could care less who is around them, as long as they get off their machine in the alloted time. Honestly, if I was ever approached at the gym I'd think the person was CRAZY! No one is attracted to sweat or out of breath people. Sorry.

2.  Girls who WALK on treadmills

I've been watching this set of girls for a few days now. They always come in together, in full gym gear--yoga pants, latest Nike sneakers, sport bras and tops--but in the midst of intense conversations*.

*I'm only assuming it is an intense conversation because I've never actually heard what is being discussed because my music is always jamming from my earbuds.

They always get treadmills right next to each other and will even go so far as to wait until 2 are available next to each other*.

*Note that they don't workout out on other machines, like most do, until treadmills are vacated. They will stand there and wait, still having said conversation.

I just figured they were very particular and really into their workout. But in reality, the treadmill seems to be an afterthought. Yes, they eventually carry their conversation to the machines but they might as well just stand on them, because the speed they "work-out" on is little more than raising their feet off the revolving track. Literally, the speed is so slow that it'd be a miracle if they worked up a sweat. A turtle could lap them! I leaned over once, conspicuously of course, to check their speed--it was something like 1.2. Not even kidding you.

I figured "Okay. Maybe this is just a warm up."

Nope.

They kept their machines at this pace for the entire 15 minutes that they were on them. I also figured, "Hey, maybe they're going to a class right from this."

Nope.

I watched as they left too, immediately following their "strenuous workout".

Girls who do this bug me. Like don't come to the gym if you're coming only for a chat session or to do a pretend workout. If I'm hauling my cookies all the way to the gym, you bet your ass I'm working out and breaking a sweat. And honestly, these girls are just taking up machines at this point and there is always people waiting. Like you are paying a monthly fee, on top of a yearly fee to just walk on a treadmill? Is there any logic in that people?

3. Aerobics Wear

I thought this was an urban legend.

Women who still wear their Jane Fonda-esque, 80's aerobics outfits to the gym. Complete with tight leggings of bright colors, a body thonged suit that is worn over the leggings and a sweat band that piles their over-crimped and teased hair on top of their heads.

Only something you see in ridiculous comedies where the lead character goes to the gym and sees one of these gym-goers and goffs at how assine the person looks. Or in old work-out magazines or Richard Simmons work-out DVDs. Something that doesn't actually exist in the real world anymore.

All true, until I saw one for myself and I almost fell off the treadmill in utter surprise

I've been trying to snap a picture of this woman (who looks to be about 65) for about 2 weeks now but have been unsuccessful. She appears and the minute I go to grab my phone, she's gone. Like Bigfoot! Or the Loch Ness Monster! I know, very hard to believe but I swear the Aerobics Queen of 1985 goes to LAFitness in Neshaminy, PA!

I'm not saying that Aerobics doesn't exist anymore, in fact it does. LAFitness runs a class every Wednesday at 5 oclock. But not everyone is so appropriately attired. And honestly, I don't even know if this woman participates in that class--I looked once, in an attempt to snap a picture but she wasn't there. I'm also not saying people shouldn't rock these outfits. If you have enough confidence to strut into a gym and workout in this outfit, by all means do it! Seriously, you go girl!

But if you are reading this and believe you are the 1985 Aerobic Queen I am referring to (and really how many of you could there possibly be?), slow down! I'm tryin' ta snap yaw picture!

4. People who work out in jeans

Ok, now this goes back to a grade-school and when I used to play field hockey. My coach very explicitly told us we were not to wear jeans to practice or games. It's hard to run around and be active if you are constricted in a pair of jeans--as jeans do not move with the body very well. Just a no-no all around. If we came to practice in jeans, we weren't allowed to participate in practice. And I can't blame her, it makes complete sense.

So why do really buff guys--who are always grunting and groaning in the weight section of the gym--insist on wearing jeans to their strenuous work-outs?

For the last few weeks, I've watched this one guy in particular work-out in jeans. And not baggy jeans, but tight-fiitting jeans (which is even worse). I kind of thought it was an understood belief and an acceptable practice the world over? Something everyone adheres to. True, this one guy wasn't doing cardio or doing any running of any sort (to my knowledge) but I kind of figure it's just as difficult. In reality, I'd think it'd be more difficult and a little more dangerous. I'd really be afraid of splitting my pants, especially if they are tight to begin with. And jeans stick to your in all the wrong places, which you'd again be in danger of ripping your pants. It's just not fun.

Change your pants dude!


So that's it, blogosphere! My two cents on my new endeavor to get fit and trim. Here's hoping I stick with my work-out plan and one day look like this:

Totally kidding!