Memorial Day

Hoping you all had a restful, eventful, and invigorating Holiday Weekend! With lots of hotdogs, hamburgers, beer, and potato salad to honor our Veterans--no hotdogs for me, heard on the radio exactly what's in hotdogs on Friday and nearly threw up. Seriously gross and I don't think I will ever look at a hotdog again.

All that aside I had a very enjoyable weekend.

My best friend and her husband went to Boston over the weekend to see the Phillies play the Red Sox--which going to a Red Sox game in full Phillies gear and hassling Sox fans is definitely on my bucket list--so they asked me and my boyfriend to stay at their house and take care of their dog, Finnegan. Was happy to oblige, as I really didn't have anything planned. And he really is the cutest pup in the world.



Isn't he?

So we basically played house for the weekend with our surrogate "child" Finnegan. It was pretty great.

Monday we participated in a bunch of Memorial Day festivities. My boyfriend is part of an American Legion Post so he was involved in a few ceremonies throughout the Philly area. He had to get all dressed up--we actually lost track of time on Sunday and had to run to Macy's (we were yelled at when we walked in because apparently the mall closes at 7 and it was 6:55. They were not happy with us) to get a new pair of black shoes (he lost one) and a new belt just for the ceremony--and hold a POW MIA flag at two wreath layings, a park re-dedication, and two flag raising ceremonies.

I've never been to anything like it on Memorial Day--as I'm usually down the shore, hung-over, or asleep at that early hour--and it really hit me deep. I got pretty emotional at very weird moments--like during the Pledge of Allegiance, which I don't think I've said since middle school, but I was standing there blubbering like a baby by the second phrase--and I got really caught up in the significance of the day. Maybe it's because of my book and the fact that my Pop is getting older and may not be around for too much longer. But it was pretty inspiring. And goosebump worthy.

Especially this.

I took this in front of one of the VFWs we went to. The entire front lawn was filled with crosses, emblazoned with the name of a fallen veteran from the area. Row upon row, flag after flag, each represented a man or woman who gave their life (or part of it) to this country. Honors, ranks or time served aside, each man/woman was equal in this honor. I know this is done quite a bit, but I've never seen it in person or been present for the ceremony that accompanied it. I've never heard the names read one by one, with a bell chimed after each and the dead silence from the crowd listening. Just hearing Taps from a bugle is enough to make anyone misty eyed.

I'm glad my boyfriend invited me.

When we got home that night, and laid down to sleep, my boyfriend turned to me and said, "After a day like today, I wish I had enlisted. Done something for this country the way all those guys did."

I didn't know how to respond. The day was incredibly moving and I didn't blame him for being inspired to fight and serve. But....is it selfish of me to be glad he didn't? I've heard my grandfather's stories, I've seen the aftermath and what war can do to a man--which I know he isn't dumb to--and I'd never want that for him. To see that light go from his eyes and anger fill it. I know it's every man's duty to fight for his country and it's a huge honor, but....I guess I'm just selfish.

As if on cue, Finnegan jumped up onto the bed and snuggled in between us. And the moment was gone--doubt and selfishness replaced by doggy kisses and belly rubs.

Exceptions to the Rule and "Facebook Official"

So I took the plunge.

Bit the bullet.

Threw caution to the wind.

Laughed in the face of danger.

And.....well I can't think of any more catchy phrases that are used when a person finally makes a big decision concerning something really important in their life, but if anyone has any other ideas feel free to leave me a few suggestions. Always looking to enhance my vocabulary :)

If you read my last post, ("At Last") you may be thinking the story was just another cutesy thing that floated into my brain one night, with a fictional inspiration. YOU ARE WRONG! I wish I was that cutesy! It's something that actually occurred to me on my birthday weekend, with a certain special someone who I now call my boyfriend :)

Yes, you read that correctly.

I officially turned in my "dating shoes" and my cynical position on men and relationships--don't worry, I'm sure I'll still have a thing or two to say about men and relationships and they will appear on this blog--for a guy I'm pretty smitten over. And he basically swept me off my feet that night--actually, he quite literally swept me off my feet because the sand was pretty damn cold! The perpetually single, and dating girl is now fully settled in a stable and healthy relationship, with a great guy who I know adores me just as much as I him. I'm really happy. Happiest I've been in I don't know how long. I'm not used to unsolicited affection or really warmth from a guy in any form, and he showers me with it. Something I've always wanted and didn't think would ever be possible or was real outside of the movies. I feel complete in every way possible. Yes, we are still in that "everything is happy, and great" honeymoon stage, but I can't really see things changing over the next few (and crucial) months. It all fell into line so naturally and we both can only see a bright future.

Are you gagging yet?

Do apologize! Don't click off my page yet, I swear this post isn't all about me gushing over my boyfriend and new relationship. There is a point to this!

Now being in the age of social media and technology, there was an important decision to make between the two of us concerning our relationship. It's a decision all are burdened with once they enter into a new relationship, and it could potentially ruin things for the relationship. This is about going public with your relationship via Facebook.

Or as us youngens will ask each other, "Are you guys Facebook Official yet?"

It's literally just clicking off "In A Relationship" on your profile page and then adding your significant other's name next to it.

It's really the stupidest thing ever, but still a pretty strong declaration of your status as the second you change it, an announcement is made on your and all your friends' NewsFeed.

Now in the past with relationships, I have bypassed this entire ritual. I found it very invasive and didn't really want the world knowing my business. Or have everyone and their mother contacting me to congratulate me. Or even worse, send condolences once your status goes back to "Single" three months in. It's annoying as hell. And believe it or not, I am a pretty private person and putting this information out there for all to see is a lot.

With my recent "Relationship Status" update, I was just as hesitant about making it "Facebook Official". Naturally, Kevin (that's my boyfriend's name BTW) and I discussed it and he gave the typical guy response of, "Doesn't matter to me, do what you want." ---thanks for the help buddy! Basically it was up to me, so I literally grappled with the decision for 4 days.

Yes, 4 days.

The biggest issue I was having with it wasn't the fact of letting a lot of people know I was in a relationship; actually I really wanted people to know because I am happy about it. But, there was one person in particular who I was dreading finding out.
Kevin's Ex-Girlfriend.

Who I happen to know and was friends with at one point.

I know!

I know!

I am completely breaking one of my big rules (please see "Run -around Gal") when it comes to dating. If you need a bit of a refresher, it basically involves not dating, hooking-up with, lusting after, or even talking to a friend's ex. Or Girl Code

Considering I wrote an entire post about the atrocities of trying to hook-up with a friend's ex, you will see how hypocritical I am being.

But before you hire the lynch mob and throw the book at me, let me explain a few things:

1. I met and became friendly with Mary (the ex) about 3 years ago through our mutual friend Meg. I was going down the shore with Meg and her family for a long weekend, and Mary ended up coming (and crashing at her house) for the majority of the weekend. We did become friendly. We talked a lot that weekend about guys (yes, Kevin did come up but at the time they were not together). We did exchange numbers and became Facebook friends.
2. I saw her out semi-frequently when I was with Meg. I did not call her/text her just to chat or anything of the like
3. I also met Kevin later that summer. He came down the shore to be with his family, stopped at Meg's house (where I happened to be staying again that weekend) and ended up staying and giving up his weekend to help Meg's Dad fix their deck. Mary was also down that weekend and she told Meg she couldn't come to the house because she didn't want to see Kevin. Little dramatic. Kevin actually ended up driving Meg and I home that weekend as well.
4. The last time I saw Mary was in September, briefly at Irish Weekend in Wildwood. I heard some things through the grape vine that there was some huge drama between Mary and Kevin and they were done for good. Found out later that it involved a drunken night between the two of them, a fight, and Mary's Dad getting involved and threatening Kevin.
5. She immediately starting dating someone else and has been happy and in love ever since.

Now I was not expecting to fall for Kevin. At all. 2 months ago I happened to be at Meg's house enjoying a beer and great conversation, when in walk Kevin unannounced with a case of beer--he is actually Meg's neighbor. We talked for a bit that night, he ended up getting my number from Meg after I left and he asked me out later that week. In reality, I figured it'd be a one-off date; almost a pity date, but not quite. There's no way I could've foreseen that I would fall for him as hard and fast as I did. But after the third date, I knew it was going to go further and had the potential of getting serious.

And the first thing I thought of was Mary and the Girl Code.

I won't lie, it was really starting to eat at me quite a bit. I had long, strung out conversations with my friend Meg about it and she 100% had my back. She kept telling me not to worry about her, she was in a relationship and really had no right to say anything to me about it. But she did warn me. She told me that Mary had told her that she liked the power she held over Kevin; that she could snap her finger and he'd come running back. She liked to have him dangling, so to speak. And that I shouldn't be surprised if I heard from her at some point; in fact, every girl Kevin had dated after Mary had heard from Mary at some point with a warning to stay away from him. She trumped up bad qualities and made things up to scare the girl away.

But I'm not about to be scared away.

I can see jealousy from a mile away, and I know that's all it was from her. It was fine for her to have moved on and found happiness elsewhere, but she didn't want the same for him. She wanted him in that ever limbo so she could play with him at her whim. Anything she would say to me would just be out of desperation. And I can handle it. But I don't know how I would handle her bad-mouthing him. True, we've only been dating for a short amount of time but I am protective over him and will defend him when someone is bad-mouthing him.

I'm not trying to justify or make excuses. I should have done the half decent thing and given her a heads up before we got serious. It would have be the friend thing to do. And it would have made me look slightly better in the long run. But would it have changed the outcome? Would I have decided not to date him if she was pissed about it? No, not at all. So I really didn't see the point. And I figured she was over him and completely moved on-- from the looks of it, she's really really into her current relationship. If she was truly, truly happy with her new guy, why would she care what he does? Like really she should be happy he was moving on and wouldn't be clawing to get back with her. I also haven't spoken to her at length in over a year and I'd probably consider us friendly acquaintances than friends.

Again, I'm not trying to make excuses. I really just feel my situation is the exception to the rule.

Decided I didn't want to hide the truth anymore, so I stopped overthinking it and just clicked off on "In a Relationship" and typed in his name.

The response was pretty instant.

I got A LOT of texts and comments on my wall throughout the day. Everyone seemed genuinely happy for us. But then I got a text from my friend Meg saying Mary texted her, asking if it was true. I then noticed she de-friended me.

I guess I deserve it.

And if that's what she needs to do to feel better about the situation, then more power to her.

I'm happy and nothings going to change it.

Just hoping I don't run into her anytime soon :/

At Last

The bitter cold, as my feet sunk into the icy sand, seemed to paralyze me. I wasn't expecting it. Sand is meant to be hot, so hot you need to wear flip-flips as you leave the beach after a long day of sunbathing. It's supposed to burn your feet and cause you to run to the ocean to cool down--fear of getting heat blisters is ever present. It's a trapper of heat and sun. It radiates, expands and fills the area with heat.

Hot sand is the emblem of summer.

Except when the summer hasn't begun and you are illegally sneaking on to a beach at 10 o'clock at night.

And I guess that's what I was imagining when I removed my new Toms--for fear of ruining my new favorite shoes--and inched my toes into the crystalized rocks. I wasn't expecting to jump. Or to scream, 'Holy shit that's cold!" Or to dance around in a circle like some sort of Indian Rain Dance, hoping I had merely stepped in one cold spot and the rest of the sand that surrounded me was miraculously warm and inviting.

It wasn't.

It was so cold I thought I had stepped onto an icy tundra. My immediate thought was, "Wow....this must be how the eskimos feel. Except they don't have sand." I could feel those awful pins and needles--that you get you when your feet are falling asleep or right before a Charlie Horse hits you--traveling from the soles of my feet up to my calves. My entire body rocked with shivers within minutes, and I really regretted not bringing a warmer hoodie--I did not pack appropriate clothes for a frigid night, as my mind was still thinking, "It's the beach, it'll be warm." I was longingly thinking of my comfy North Face jacket, hanging nicely in my closet as I had assumed winter clothes were no longer needed in May. Stupid. Stupid. I instantly regretted a lot--not bringing sneakers and socks, not packing layers upon layers of sweaters, removing the one pair of gloves I had been carrying in my purse for months on that exact day, the day I really needed them.

But none of this made me put my Toms back on.

Along with being cold, the sand was slightly moist from the ocean breeze and mist blowing in from the bay. The bottoms of my pants were already pretty wet from it. And my Toms were made of canvas and very flimsy, so I knew they'd get soaked and ruined with one firm foot plant into the sand.

I'd suck it up for as long as I could stand. I didn't come all the way down here to turn around after 5 minutes.

I inch further and further onto the beach. My steps are slow and careful--light-footed so I don't sink too deep into the freezing sand. I'm actively looking for feet tracks to step into, figuring the sand had already fallen into the mark and wouldn't cover my feet once I stepped in. Unfortunately they were few and far between as the beach looked to have been combed and vacant for quite some time. I attempt large, giant-esque steps to step into the ones I do find. I can feel the wind picking up. Silt blowing in my face, and my hair one big ball of crazy. The chill was radiating in my entire body. Shaking from head to toe with the force of it, I can barely take anymore.

The sand suddenly becomes hard and compact. Nearing the water does that. I no longer need to worry about stepping too deep into sand--it stays still beneath my feet. I should've stopped where I was. I should've put on my shoes or sat down and attempted to warm up my frozen feet, but the sound of the ocean beckoned me forward. The waves crashing, the salt water lapping in the tide, the faint sound of a seagull flying home for the night. It was all just too tempting to stop. I wanted more. I was tempted, beyond tempted to run forward to the tide and wade into the water. To dip my toes into it and slosh around. To run back and forth with the tide, like I did as a child years before. To let my feet drink in the salt water and let it surge around me. My toes arch forward, leaning into the ocean, ready to take the plunge.

But you pulled me back in.

Away from the bitterness and into the warmth of your waiting arms. You wrap your arms around me so tight that I can barely breathe. You lean forward, crouching a little--I'm pretty short, I know--and lean your chin right by my ear. Whispering funny things, cute things that are just between us. You threaten to throw me over your shoulder and run right into the ocean. I shreak in protest, even though I know you'd never. My smile was growing by the minute. So big, it was starting to hurt my cheeks. Suddenly I forgot about the cold and just want to stand there in your arms forever.

I feel safe.

Protected.

Complete.

Like nothing and no one mattered until you, until this moment. All that time I had been searching and waiting had finally come to its end. And in your arms, at last, I really felt it.

Your embrace lessens, but only for a second as you turn me around to face you. I can see the sly smile on your face and my heart flutters. You take my head in your hands, lean down, and kiss me. And I kiss back, almost like I had never been kissed before. Like I was discovering it for the first time and desperately wanting more.

"Let's get you inside," you say, as you swung me onto your back, offering a piggy-back ride as means of travel.


The next morning, I woke to sunlight pouring in through the window. Beautiful, pure sunlight welcoming the perfect Spring day. Banishing all thoughts of the bitter wind from the night before. I am still wrapped in your arms. In your warmth that kept the cold away. Still feeling complete and safe. At last.