Exceptions to the Rule and "Facebook Official"

So I took the plunge.

Bit the bullet.

Threw caution to the wind.

Laughed in the face of danger.

And.....well I can't think of any more catchy phrases that are used when a person finally makes a big decision concerning something really important in their life, but if anyone has any other ideas feel free to leave me a few suggestions. Always looking to enhance my vocabulary :)

If you read my last post, ("At Last") you may be thinking the story was just another cutesy thing that floated into my brain one night, with a fictional inspiration. YOU ARE WRONG! I wish I was that cutesy! It's something that actually occurred to me on my birthday weekend, with a certain special someone who I now call my boyfriend :)

Yes, you read that correctly.

I officially turned in my "dating shoes" and my cynical position on men and relationships--don't worry, I'm sure I'll still have a thing or two to say about men and relationships and they will appear on this blog--for a guy I'm pretty smitten over. And he basically swept me off my feet that night--actually, he quite literally swept me off my feet because the sand was pretty damn cold! The perpetually single, and dating girl is now fully settled in a stable and healthy relationship, with a great guy who I know adores me just as much as I him. I'm really happy. Happiest I've been in I don't know how long. I'm not used to unsolicited affection or really warmth from a guy in any form, and he showers me with it. Something I've always wanted and didn't think would ever be possible or was real outside of the movies. I feel complete in every way possible. Yes, we are still in that "everything is happy, and great" honeymoon stage, but I can't really see things changing over the next few (and crucial) months. It all fell into line so naturally and we both can only see a bright future.

Are you gagging yet?

Do apologize! Don't click off my page yet, I swear this post isn't all about me gushing over my boyfriend and new relationship. There is a point to this!

Now being in the age of social media and technology, there was an important decision to make between the two of us concerning our relationship. It's a decision all are burdened with once they enter into a new relationship, and it could potentially ruin things for the relationship. This is about going public with your relationship via Facebook.

Or as us youngens will ask each other, "Are you guys Facebook Official yet?"

It's literally just clicking off "In A Relationship" on your profile page and then adding your significant other's name next to it.

It's really the stupidest thing ever, but still a pretty strong declaration of your status as the second you change it, an announcement is made on your and all your friends' NewsFeed.

Now in the past with relationships, I have bypassed this entire ritual. I found it very invasive and didn't really want the world knowing my business. Or have everyone and their mother contacting me to congratulate me. Or even worse, send condolences once your status goes back to "Single" three months in. It's annoying as hell. And believe it or not, I am a pretty private person and putting this information out there for all to see is a lot.

With my recent "Relationship Status" update, I was just as hesitant about making it "Facebook Official". Naturally, Kevin (that's my boyfriend's name BTW) and I discussed it and he gave the typical guy response of, "Doesn't matter to me, do what you want." ---thanks for the help buddy! Basically it was up to me, so I literally grappled with the decision for 4 days.

Yes, 4 days.

The biggest issue I was having with it wasn't the fact of letting a lot of people know I was in a relationship; actually I really wanted people to know because I am happy about it. But, there was one person in particular who I was dreading finding out.
Kevin's Ex-Girlfriend.

Who I happen to know and was friends with at one point.

I know!

I know!

I am completely breaking one of my big rules (please see "Run -around Gal") when it comes to dating. If you need a bit of a refresher, it basically involves not dating, hooking-up with, lusting after, or even talking to a friend's ex. Or Girl Code

Considering I wrote an entire post about the atrocities of trying to hook-up with a friend's ex, you will see how hypocritical I am being.

But before you hire the lynch mob and throw the book at me, let me explain a few things:

1. I met and became friendly with Mary (the ex) about 3 years ago through our mutual friend Meg. I was going down the shore with Meg and her family for a long weekend, and Mary ended up coming (and crashing at her house) for the majority of the weekend. We did become friendly. We talked a lot that weekend about guys (yes, Kevin did come up but at the time they were not together). We did exchange numbers and became Facebook friends.
2. I saw her out semi-frequently when I was with Meg. I did not call her/text her just to chat or anything of the like
3. I also met Kevin later that summer. He came down the shore to be with his family, stopped at Meg's house (where I happened to be staying again that weekend) and ended up staying and giving up his weekend to help Meg's Dad fix their deck. Mary was also down that weekend and she told Meg she couldn't come to the house because she didn't want to see Kevin. Little dramatic. Kevin actually ended up driving Meg and I home that weekend as well.
4. The last time I saw Mary was in September, briefly at Irish Weekend in Wildwood. I heard some things through the grape vine that there was some huge drama between Mary and Kevin and they were done for good. Found out later that it involved a drunken night between the two of them, a fight, and Mary's Dad getting involved and threatening Kevin.
5. She immediately starting dating someone else and has been happy and in love ever since.

Now I was not expecting to fall for Kevin. At all. 2 months ago I happened to be at Meg's house enjoying a beer and great conversation, when in walk Kevin unannounced with a case of beer--he is actually Meg's neighbor. We talked for a bit that night, he ended up getting my number from Meg after I left and he asked me out later that week. In reality, I figured it'd be a one-off date; almost a pity date, but not quite. There's no way I could've foreseen that I would fall for him as hard and fast as I did. But after the third date, I knew it was going to go further and had the potential of getting serious.

And the first thing I thought of was Mary and the Girl Code.

I won't lie, it was really starting to eat at me quite a bit. I had long, strung out conversations with my friend Meg about it and she 100% had my back. She kept telling me not to worry about her, she was in a relationship and really had no right to say anything to me about it. But she did warn me. She told me that Mary had told her that she liked the power she held over Kevin; that she could snap her finger and he'd come running back. She liked to have him dangling, so to speak. And that I shouldn't be surprised if I heard from her at some point; in fact, every girl Kevin had dated after Mary had heard from Mary at some point with a warning to stay away from him. She trumped up bad qualities and made things up to scare the girl away.

But I'm not about to be scared away.

I can see jealousy from a mile away, and I know that's all it was from her. It was fine for her to have moved on and found happiness elsewhere, but she didn't want the same for him. She wanted him in that ever limbo so she could play with him at her whim. Anything she would say to me would just be out of desperation. And I can handle it. But I don't know how I would handle her bad-mouthing him. True, we've only been dating for a short amount of time but I am protective over him and will defend him when someone is bad-mouthing him.

I'm not trying to justify or make excuses. I should have done the half decent thing and given her a heads up before we got serious. It would have be the friend thing to do. And it would have made me look slightly better in the long run. But would it have changed the outcome? Would I have decided not to date him if she was pissed about it? No, not at all. So I really didn't see the point. And I figured she was over him and completely moved on-- from the looks of it, she's really really into her current relationship. If she was truly, truly happy with her new guy, why would she care what he does? Like really she should be happy he was moving on and wouldn't be clawing to get back with her. I also haven't spoken to her at length in over a year and I'd probably consider us friendly acquaintances than friends.

Again, I'm not trying to make excuses. I really just feel my situation is the exception to the rule.

Decided I didn't want to hide the truth anymore, so I stopped overthinking it and just clicked off on "In a Relationship" and typed in his name.

The response was pretty instant.

I got A LOT of texts and comments on my wall throughout the day. Everyone seemed genuinely happy for us. But then I got a text from my friend Meg saying Mary texted her, asking if it was true. I then noticed she de-friended me.

I guess I deserve it.

And if that's what she needs to do to feel better about the situation, then more power to her.

I'm happy and nothings going to change it.

Just hoping I don't run into her anytime soon :/