Awkward Run-Ins

There is one thing in life that I absolutely abhor, makes my stomach flip, and gives me the most anxiety. It's running into people, or simply being in the same vicinity of an individual who you don't really want to see or talk to. I know it sounds insane, but I can't stand it! There's that awkward,

"Did they see me?"

"Can I get out of here without them seeing me?"

"Shit, now I have to say hi."

"I look like crap and of course I run into you now!"

"Now I'm gonna be stuck in an awkward 15 minute conversation with the girl I hated in grade school, smile as you act like we were best friends when you made my life a living hell, and all I wanted was a small fry from McDonald's! Fuck!"

"Oh hi! I used to bang your girl."

Yeah.....happens to me a lot.

Now I'm not being a snob and I am a pretty friendly person. I do like the surprise of seeing friends somewhere unexpected. Key word there was FRIENDS. If I don't like you (or know you too well), I don't like seeing you anywhere, especially somewhere I have to be for a while and have no means of escaping you. I don't like being approached and forced into an awkward, forced conversation. Some people thrive on those situations--obviously if you are coming up to me and I am giving you major stink-eye than you have a big set of balls--but I am definitely not one of those people. And never will be.

Because the world knows how much I can't stand these run-ins, I swear it happens to me twice as often as normal people.

Take this morning!

I'm driving to work at 7:30am. I am barely awake, fighting a really bad head cold (who the hell gets sick in summer?) and attempting to listen to my favorite radio morning show. My ears are also pretty clogged so I had the volume pretty high. As I'm listening to the DJs discuss the fact that organ donors donate organs, not actual body parts (like legs or arms)--yes this was an actual debate--I kept hearing a low beeping noise and a voice. I figured it was the radio so I ignored it. Then something to my right caught my eye. It was a red truck, with someone climbing back inside the window--yes it looked like their upper body had been hanging out the window trying to catch my attention--and then an arm sticking out waving at me. At first I thought it was just some crazy person being stupid on their morning commute. And then I realized I was half right; I saw a huge Philadelphia Flyers decal on their back windshield and recognized the truck.

It was a crazy person alright. THE crazy person I dated for 3 months.

If you need a bit of a refresher please see my post discussing the topic.

For those of you who are a bit lazy, here's the foot-notes: I dated this guy for 3 months, only to find out he had quite a rap sheet (including 2 DUI's, a warrant out for his arrest, and driving on a suspended license) and a raging case of ADD that he refused to take medication for. I ended things with him back in February after he revealed the majority of this in front of my friends (who were just meeting him for the first time) and because he thought the whole thing was a joke. He's texted me a few times since the split--very random and weird texts--but I never responded, hoping I'd never see him again.

And I thought I was scot-free when I found out he moved to Jersey.

Nope!

Needless to say, I was freaking out a bit. My hand immediately went to my face and stayed there for the rest of my ride. I slowed my car down, hoping to stay away from him, and luckily he pulled into a 7-11 immediately after seeing me.  Then I started second guessing myself; "Maybe it wasn't him. How many red truck with a Flyers decal in Philadelphia could there be? Like a million!"

Then I get the following text:

Three things:

1. Bad grammar is not a recent development. This was a common phrase of his. Should've dumped him the minute he verbally raped my ears.
2. Why does he still have my number?!
3. What the heck was he doing in my area at 7:30am, when I know he moved to Pennsauken, New Jersey 4 months ago?

So naturally the rest of my ride was just as paranoid and freaky. I was looking in my rear view mirror every 5 minutes, waiting for him to come out of nowhere and flag me down. But I got to work without any further run-ins. Thank God he didn't pull up next to me again, where I'd be forced to have an extremely awkward conversation with him, and that my ears were clogged and I didn't notice him the first time until he was pulling away. Can you imagine? Oh my God!

Naturally, I'm not responding to his text--because awkward text conversations are a pretty close second to awkward face-to-face conversations, where at least you can delete/ignore the offending awkwardness. I don't want to give this kid an inch, when I know he'll try and take a mile. Definitely NOT how I wanted to start my day!

And I'm not kidding you, this happens to me at least once a week. Friday, my ex-hairdresser and her friend (who happens to be the mother of one of my good friends from grade school, but she's also a major bitch) plopped down next to me at my local bar. Had to avoid turning a certain direction all night! The day before that, 3 former co-workers were at the same restaurant as me and my boyfriend--no bad blood there, but I don't really want to catch up with old friends while I'm trying to enjoy my french fries and burger.

Maybe I'm just being a bitch and should lighten up. I know a lot of people and there will always be a chance I will run-in to people I know, especially if I'm out in Philly. I should just roll with the punches and start being a little friendlier in surprise situations. Really it could make my day, or brighten up the day of someone else.

Or maybe I should just get a tattoo on my forehead that reads:

NO I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU!

LEAVE ME ALONE!

 

But I don't think my forehead is big enough :/

In a Funk....

I don't have a great post or story to talk about this week. I'm in a bit of a funk and trying to work my way through it. I've been trying to think of a cutesy way of putting a spin on my current mood and circumstance, but have come up with nothing at this point. Truthfully, it's been hard for me to focus on anything but my personal life as of late and when that isn't consuming me, I've been knee-deep in the research phase of my next project--I LOVE doing research so it's helped take my mind off of things.

I'll fill you in a bit:

In the past, I've written a bit about my aunt who's very sick. She's going through her 4th bout of cancer treatment--4th time in 6 years--and things aren't going too well. She's been in and out of the hospital the last 2 months from complications from her last surgery. This latest hospitalization has been due to internal bleeding from the stitches in her bowels opening up and fluid in her lungs--which she's now on oxygen because she can't seem to catch her breath. She's very frail and weak and has lost about 50 pounds from her already tiny body. She literally looks like one of those starving kids in Africa that there are infomercials about, begging for "10 cents a day."

I really just don't know how much more she can take. She's been through so much already, physically and emotionally, and I don't think she can survive much more. It just doesn't end, and every time she turns a corner and things seem to be looking up, something else happens and sets her back 10 miles. And I know she's at her breaking point--she refused to answer my mother's calls for a week when she wasn't feeling well because she didn't want to go back into the hospital, which scares me because it's like she's given up. And she can't. We need her here with us. We need to see her smile and laugh at old memories. Her son just got engaged over the weekend and it should be happy time for all of us, and it is, but he almost feels like he has to rush the wedding now. Time is against us all, especially her.

It's just hard to see her in so much pain and not be able to do anything about it. I can't even look at her without bursting into tears. I don't know what we'll do if we lose her. I really don't.

I've also written in the past about my grandparents moving in with my family. Well it happened back in March and they've been living with us for about 5 months now. But I don't think I explained anything about my Aunt Paula, who is also now living with us. She will be 50 in February and is mentally handicapped. She was never diagnosed--because back then they just threw people like her into mental facilities and tried to forget about them--but she is autistic. My grandmother did/and has done everything in her power to protect her from the outside world, which has also stunted her tremendously. My grandmother stills cuts her food, dresses her, bathes her, and caters to her every whim. She has no social skills, has the mind-set of a 5-year old, and is as stubborn as they come. It's become quite a challenge in the last few years because she doesn't realize my grandparents are old and can't do things for her like they used to. All she does all day is watch TV and eat--while my grandparents serve on her, hand and foot.

All this aside, she is very smart. She knows exactly what she's doing and everything my grandmother does for her, she is fully capable of doing for herself--we know this because when my grandmother was in the hospital last month, she was able to do everything herself with a little prodding. But she chooses not to--and when my grandmother came home, she went back to her act of "helpless child". She chooses to let my grandmother struggle with opening jars, walking across the room to answer the front door when she is sitting ten feet away from it, and pushes her buttons just to get attention from her and from all of us. She uses her handicap to her advantage and acts dumb to a lot of things--when we all know better.

It is getting very frustrating for me to keep my mouth shut and be understanding of her predicament. I don't have patience for bullshit and I'm about ready to explode. I know I sound awful, but it's a lot to handle 7 days a week, and the way she treats my grandmother angers me. I have never wanted to move out of my house so much in the last 3 months. But.....then I feel a lot of guilt when I think like that. Because my parents need help controlling the situation and it’s something they will have to live with for the rest of their lives-- my dad is her legal guardian.

I'm trying to keep my cool, but every day is a challenge.


On this blog, I have touched on a bit (indirectly) about my relationship woes. My current boyfriend has a drinking problem. Actually......no, I've never lied on this site and I'm not about to. My boyfriend is a functioning alcoholic. He doesn't drink every day, but when he does he goes on these massive benders and drinks himself into a stupor. We've been together for almost 5 months and during that entire time, he has consistently blown me off to go get drunk or has simply forgotten to call me when we have plans and he knows he's not coming. He's embarrassed me on more than one occasion with not only my friends but also my family.

He keeps promising me he'll get help, that he'll change and make things better. But I have yet to see him actually do anything. He has yet to go to AA, has not stopped drinking, and I really don't think he thinks he has a problem. That I'm just over-exaggerating and making a tiny problem into something huge. Which, let me tell you I'm not. I've seen 2 of my best friends families get broken up because their mom's were constantly pulling their dad's out of the local bar.

I'm at my breaking point with him and I don't know what else to do. Every day I tell myself that things can't get any worse, but they do. I should just walk away and tell him to go F himself, but there's something that keeps me.

And I wish it'd just shut the hell up.


So needless to say, I have a lot going on right now. A lot that I really don't want to deal with, to be quite honest. Hoping things turn around soon, but I really don't see that happening.