First, I made the ultimate decision to end things with Kevin (my boyfriend). Last Sunday was a repeat of everything I've been dealing with the last few months--where he was supposed to meet up with me, but went and got drunk instead. I didn't cry, I didn't get emotional--which I'm pretty proud of. I just knew it was done. I can never trust him with my heart again. I can't let him toy with me and my life anymore, no matter how much I love him. It's not worth it to me. He is a lost cause, and I'm not. I have so much going for me and he has nothing that appeals to me anymore.
At this time, I don't think he completely gets how serious I am about this--he is still texting and calling me like normal, even though I have said to him at least twice in the last week that things are over--but that's on him. I'm done.
And happier for it. Realizing now how much stress versus joy he brought to my life. It wasn't worth it and never will be.
Working on getting my happy back. And I feel like I'm almost there :)
But the main source of the crazy, wonderful is the early arrival of my niece, Maggie Jane.
My older sister brought this little bundle of joy into the world on Thursday, August 29th--4 days ahead of schedule. My family and I were on vacation in Sea Isle, New Jersey--all but my older sister and my brother-in-law. On Wednesday, things seemed to be progressing but we were sure our little niece/nephew (we didn't know what she was having) would wait until we came home on the 31st. Then my parents got a call at 4:30 in the morning from my youngest sister--who was not due to come down the shore til that evening--that my sister's contractions were 5 minutes apart and she was driving her to the hospital. It was a fury of clothes that morning--my dad actually got to the hospital with his shirt inside out--as my parents rushed home from the shore.
Unfortunately (for me) my parents asked me to stay down the shore with my grandparents and aunt, as it was too early to wake them up and they wanted to get on the road without having to wait. Plus, it just wouldn't be a good idea to lug them back--it'd be more stress to have them home alone then having them down the shore. So I stayed down the shore with them to virtually babysit, until we got word that the baby was here and my dad was headed back down to the shore to bring us all back--we needed more than one car to transport all of us and our luggage. It was the longest 2 days of my life.
The first day was tense; constant waiting for news and jumping every time my phone rang. Being down the shore, and basically paradise, lost all its charm when all I wanted was to be home and with my family. I was really upset and sad. News was coming every few hours--initially they thought she was going to be delivered before noon on Thursday, but the doctor had miscalculated the weight and she was just too big. A C-section was the only option, and at 5:12pm our little Maggie Jane was welcomed into the world.
I fell in love the minute I saw those chubby cheeks. She is perfect and beautiful and I just love her.
Unfortunately it was another day before I was able to get home and finally meet her. I literally drove from the shore to the hospital; didn't even stop to eat or use the bathroom. I cried like a baby the second I held her in my arms. And seeing my sister as a mother for the first time was really emotional. I saw the change in her instantly; that this new, little life was now her everything. And the love she had for this little girl is something I will not truly understand until I have one of my own.
But it's pretty damn close.
I can't wait to spoil her rotten--which has already started--and shower her with kisses and love. I love this little girl with every part of my heart.
Just look at her! How can your heart not melt?!
I also started work on my next big project--I know I said before that I started the research phase, but over the weekend I actually started the writing part. It feels great being productive again and actually working on something big. My first drafts are always really REALLY shitty, but they always seemed to come together once I transfer it to my laptop. I'm excited about the process and have been writing almost every night!
I've also decided to participate in a Writers Conference in October at Rosemont College. I'm a bit nervous about it, but I really think I need to get more involved with my peers and actually get some constructive feed-back on some of my work.
Wish me luck!!
Lots going on, but I promise to keep you all up to date! And I'll try not to bore you to death with countless baby pictures.
But it will be pretty damn hard!
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