But what if the person who confides in you really doesn't want your opinion, even when they ask for it or involve you in their drama? What if they just expect you to be quiet and nod your head in agreement with whatever they say? Can you in good conscious say nothing when you know they are making a HUGE mistake?
Let me explain.
A few months back, I briefly touched on my younger sister's recent breakup. It was a BAD one. She was very wrapped up in the relationship--she was rarely home, they worked together so it turned into her staying at his place every night and they drove in together, she helped him move and decorated his new place, met his parents, gave up Thanksgiving with her family to go to New York to celebrate Hanukkah with his, catered to his every whim, and really mothered him. She thought she was going to marry him and even started planning their life together. Not gonna lie, it was nauseating.
And let me clarify that I was not jealous of her happiness. It was just frustrating for me to watch her get so wrapped up in a guy who seemed like a jerk and completely lose herself inside of the relationship. She changed. Majorly.
So then he dumped her--which I called 3 months prior--because he "wanted to be single, and he didn't love her, and never wanted a girlfriend." It also had a lot to do with his now single roommate who, as soon as he dumped his own girlfriend, suddenly had a problem with my sister being at their apartment all the time and wanted his "wingman" back. Personally, I think he cheated on her during a "guys trip" to AC that occurred 2 days before the breakup, felt guilty, and wanted his freedom back. Needless to say, my sister's world fell apart. And she took it quite hard. Like beyond hard. She had to call out of work 3 days in a row, stopped eating--and subsequently lost 15 pounds in 1 week--stopped sleeping, and was ready to throw in the towel with her Grad School finals happening that week. In every sense of the word, she was suicidal and we were all very worried about her. It was BAD. And there was no shaking her out of it. All she did was cry and say she just wanted to talk to him, or go to sleep and never wake up. Meanwhile, he immediately de-friended all her friends on Facebook and started friending a bunch of 21 year old sluts who he probably met out that weekend--really classy.
This lasted for about 2 weeks. 2 weeks of hell that had my entire house on edge. To the point that my father--who is not a violent man in the least bit--wanted to drive out to his house and "put a bullet in his skull." It got even worse when she told my parents that she didn't want to celebrate Christmas--which was the next week. That was enough for my parents to give her a taste of tough love. My dad gave her three choices: To get over it and come back to the world of the living, get the hell out of his house, or he'd go and knock his knees out and end up in jail. And I guess that snapped her out of it and she started getting back to normal.
Almost immediately, she started making plans to move out and get an apartment with her friend in Manayunk. Problem is, which we all pointed out to her, that's where her now ex-boyfriend currently resided. She swore he had nothing to do with her choice, but I don't think I'd chose a small town if I wanted to avoid someone who lived there. Just seems stupid. So within 2 weeks of her making this decision, she moved out. And she seemed incredibly happy and back to her old self. And besides 1 awkward run-in she had managed to avoid the ex and seemed to be moving on with her life.
Or so I thought.
On Friday, I got one of those phone calls from her that start with "I'm going to tell you something but you can't be mad at me." Seriously the most awful way to start a conversation. And I knew what was coming next; they were "talking" again. Apparently she had drunk texted him a month before, which turned into her going to his house the next day for a 6 hour long conversation, where he told her he "got scared" and things were moving too fast and he thought she was expecting a ring from him and he missed her and wanted to try it again. And she, like a dope accepted it. And they had been hanging out irregularly--or every 2 weeks, because she didn't want to see him all the time--and "taking things slow." That she wanted to give him a second chance and she knew if she didn't she'd always regret it.
Now I ask you; How would you react? Would you tell her what she wants to hear and keep your mouth shut about your real feelings?
Or tell the truth? No matter the result?
Well....I've made it pretty obvious in this blog that I can't keep my mouth shut and I kind of exploded. Like I was mad! More than that, I was disappointed. She had made my, and my family's, life AWFUL with this breakup and now she was going to take him back? Don't you remember what he did to you? Don't you remember the hysterics you went through? Basically I told her that she was an idiot and he was using her--that obviously he was lonely (which was what he told her when they broke up, as to why he constantly invited her over and wanted her there) and now that she lived closer, it was more convenient. That he obviously couldn't find anything better and came slinking back because he knew it'd be easy. She'd never be able to bring him home or around us because we all hated him (and I hope he knows that) and she will break my father's heart if he gets wind of this. She had complete blinders on and seemed to forget the past--which she said they were trying "to move on from the past". Like come on!
I basically wrapped up my whole opinion telling her that if I ever saw him out, I'd remove from his body what he cherished most of all. Obviously, this wasn't the response she was expecting and I think she got a little angry at me. But I'm not sure what she thought I was going to say--in what universe would I be happy for her?
The plot thickened the next day when I got a text from my older sister's best friend who joined the Dating App Tinder.
And guess who's profile she found.
*GASP*
Yup! The ex-scumbag. She sent me a screenshot of it and there's no denying it's him.
Now this site is very notorious for "booty-call/hookups" by guys. I've actually been told by quite a few that their friends use this site and "get so much ass". I think its because everything is based off your picture. There are no profiles or matching of any kind, so everything is based off of immediate physical attraction.
I was then faced with another burdening question: Do I tell my sister? Or pretend I never saw this?
I mentioned before how I love being right, right?
I sent her the picture and explained how I got it. She immediately wanted more information, especially concerning the last time he was on the site (which after some snooping we found out was 21 hours previous). And apparently she confronted him about it. I really thought this would be the nail in the coffin--who in their right mind would stay with an ex, who you're already on rocky ground with, once you find their dating site profile? How can you ever trust them!? Or trust their intentions!? I didn't like that I was dashing my sister's hopes of a renewed love-affair with the "love of her life", but I was glad he'd shortly be history.
Well I was wrong.
Her response to me asking what happened after the confrontation was; "I need to trust him more. I'm glad you are protective of me and I love you for it but I have to make this decision on my own."
WHAT?!
The evidence that he's a creep and is using you is staring you in the face, but you are still going to give him the benefit of doubt? Are you delusional? It's obvious he's desperate if he's on dating site to begin with, but he's also using it while you two are "trying to work things out". How could she ever trust him? I literally wanted to drive out to her work, go to her office, and shake the shit out of her. I just can't understand how you can be so dumb.
There's literally no talking any sense into her. She's going to do what she wants regardless of what anyone thinks. I still have hopes that she'll wake-up tomorrow morning, text me and say "You were right." But I'm not holding my breath.
But I am keeping my mouth shut for now on when it comes to him.
And praying, for his sake, that he stays the fuck away from me.
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