It Still Hurts

I wish it didn't.
Wish and pray with all my heart
That I was made of stronger stuff
And could bounce back like rubber.
But I feel so lost and alone.

The memories are what keep me crying.

Remembering the things we did and planned.
Your sneaky grin as you walked by
After you lightly hit my butt.
The butterflies that filled me when we kissed.
Laying next to you and how you pulled me in.
How you always seemed to know what I was thinking
Before I said a word; knew every whim or need.
Playing boardgames or reading in bed.
Planning a future we both seemed to want.

The first time I wanted us to last forever.

But you say it wasn't real.
That you were pretending and can't anymore.
That you're done with this "limbo" and
Have no room for me in your life.
That I'm not worthy of your time and
"There's not easy way to do this."
That I'm not important anymore and
You want your stuff back.

But for me it was so real.

My feelings can't go away overnight.
I can't just pretend the last few months didn't happen
And that it meant nothing to me.
I can't smile and pretend I've moved on when
Everyday I hope you'll call and take it back.
That I think about you all the time.

I hate it.

I wish this would go away and
I could feel whole again.
That my heart is back in my chest
Instead of torn to pieces and thrown away.
I was happy and unaware of any of your feelings
And I guess that's what hurts the most.
That I didn't see this coming.

I miss you.
And I wish I didn't.