Scrooged

December is a time of family gatherings, colored lights, the smell of fresh pine needles, red and green wrapping paper, baking cookies, giving gifts, snow, Santa Clause, Frosty, Rudolph, Christmas specials, caroling, and ultimately love and happiness. It's the one time of year that the entire world comes together, in different ways, to celebrate the season and love for their family. It is truly the most magical time of the year, not just because of the gift-giving and time off from work, but this month evokes strong emotions of gratitude, excitement and love. Most people wish they could experience or live this one month all year long--I actually know someone who, when they are blue or lonely, will watch Christmas movies and will instantly feel better. It's a time of year that should be bottled-up and shared with all.

I have so many great memories from my childhood involving Christmas, as I'm sure many people do. But I think the one thing that stands out for me--which it may not for others--is the magic my parents try to create for us with Christmas. It's something I want to recreate with my own children.

When I was little, my parents would not decorate the house in any form until we were safely tucked in and asleep in bed on Christmas Eve. We'd get home from my Grandmom's house, put out milk, cookies and carrots for Santa and his reindeer, hang our stockings on the bannister (because we didn't have a fire place--which was an issue of high contention in our house.  "Santa has a magic key to our front door," my Dad would tell us), and set up our American Girl dolls around the Christmas tree. As soon as we were in bed, my parents would decorate the entire house, decorate the tree, wrap gifts, set-up my Dad's elaborate Santa village and train set, and assemble any gifts that had parts so they'd be ready first thing the next morning. No matter how late we got home, this was their tradition. Recently they told me that one year we got home close to midnight and they were up until 4 am getting the house ready--we came bounding in to their room Christmas morning at 6 am. Or one year they didn't wrap our gifts and the next morning I turned to my dad and said, "I guess the Elves forgot to wrap them this year." They admit now that doing this was a bit crazy, but completely worth it when they saw our faces the next morning. To see our excitement at how Santa decorated our house. We actually have some pretty hilarious home-movies of those mornings--our faces and shrieks of "HE CAME" are pretty priceless. Christmas in my house was seriously the best, and the entire season was decked in magic.

This year, I'm just not feeling it.

I have no idea why,  but I haven't found my Christmas spirit. True, December has only just begun, but I'm usually bursting with excitement for the season as soon as Thanksgiving is over.

Here is a list of things  I haven't done yet for the holiday season;

1. Listened to Christmas music
2. Watched a single Christmas special or movie all the way through
3. Decorated the house
4. Accompanied my parents to get our Christmas tree
5. Drove around my neighborhood to look at the decorations and lights
6. Contemplated sitting on Santa's lap
7. Hoped for a "White Christmas"
8. Baked cookies

All of these are pretty big traditions for me and I just haven't had the urge to partake. And it's not like I haven't had the opportunity. In fact, last weekend when my parents wanted me to go with them to get our tree--something I truly believe I have mastered--I passed telling them, "Oh I want to take a nap."

Yes, I know. With that utterance, I spit in the face of Christmas.

All of this isn't to say that I am making an active choice not to participate in Christmas. I actually have all my gifts bought, wrapped, and ready to give. A few of which I am truly excited to--especially the gifts for my grandmom and grandpop. But...it's just the feeling of Christmas seems to be missing. Like this is just any other month for me; not a month with the best holiday. Like something is missing in my heart when it comes to Christmas--like I'm just going through the motions and not really enjoying it.

Is there something wrong with me? Have I lost the Christmas spirit? Is it something you lose with age? Am I too old for the magic? Am I doomed to spend the rest of my holidays a Scrooge?

Baby Jesus, I hope not! Because life without Christmas would suck!

Now that I'm thinking about it some more, I can only come up with 2 explanations;

1. My house is a construction zone. My parents are adding a "Senior Suite" (or the "west wing" as we lovingly refer to it) to our house for my grandparents to move in. An entire wall was knocked down in our living room and there is dust and crap everywhere. Due to this, my parents haven't really decorated our house to the usual extent that they do. It's actually pretty sad.
2. I'm single.

I don't think it's the second, since I was single last Christmas and didn't feel like this then. Sure, it'd be great to be in love and to spend the holidays with someone special, but I wouldn't let that bring me down. Honestly, a boyfriend would be too stressful right now--I like being able to do my own thing and spend the entire holiday with my family, and not have to worry about other obligations. 

So I don't know. Maybe I need a "Christmas Intervention" of sorts. An intervention where the only cure would be forced consumption of Christmas cookies, watching Christmas movies and listening to B101 (the "soft radio station" that plays only Christmas songs from December 1st until New Years) at all times. Hopefully I'll get more into the spirit as the holiday gets closer, because no one can take Christmas away from me.

Not even me!